Waiting for the Ideal Time

Hey, you.

Oh, how I’ve debated on what to say… Maybe I’ll just start at the beginning.

We met in a professional environment. A little bit of coincidence led to our paths crossing enough to connect and become friends. Then, before we knew it, we both ended up in different places, and moved on with our lives.

Then, somehow, we crossed paths again. Though this time it wasn’t in such a professional environment. We hit it off quickly, and rarely a day went by that we didn’t text or communicate in some way. Months went by, and we started dating. You asked me if I would be willing to take it slow, and I agreed. You had things going on in your personal life, and I was flexible to your situation. The first night you took my hand, you also clarified that “We’re not exclusive. But you’re the only one whose hand I hold.” It hurt to hear that, and yet I still had high hopes for us.

We continued to “hang out,” and I found myself becoming more and more attached to you; my hopes building up more and more with the promise of, “It’ll get better in a couple months.”

Well, the time has come and gone. Nothing has changed. You asked me if maybe we could just be friends… Maybe even with benefits; and maybe in 6 months or so, if we both  weren’t dating anyone, we could try to make it work… I told you I couldn’t, and you cried, telling me that you couldn’t lose me. But also that you wouldn’t fight for me.

Well, I’ve thought a lot about it, and I’ve discovered a couple things.

1.) If you want something bad enough, you’ll fight for it. 

-You told me that you wanted to be with me, and that you wanted to make it work, but that it just wasn’t possible. You didn’t want to fight for us, because you hadn’t had a lot of luck in the past.
Here’s the thing. I’m a fighter. I was raised to know that when you want something bad enough, you’ll figure out a way to make it work. There’s always a way to at least compromise on something. If you’re not willing to fight for that, then you’ve still got some things to learn. If it really means something to you, you can find a way.

2.) I did what I could

-I tried for months to put the spark in our “relationship.” I brought you treats at work, left you notes, and tried to gain your attention in other ways. Maybe I got a little ahead of myself, but I was trying to show you what it could be like “when the time was right,” and we made it official. I wasn’t expecting you to do anything for me, but I wanted to show you what I had to offer. I did this because someday, it really will be the “ideal time” with someone, and that effort won’t be put to waste.

3.) I’m tired of waiting for the “ideal time.”

-I can understand taking things slowly, and not rushing into anything serious, but we’ve waited almost a year. And you want to wait even more. You want to grow up and be a professional. You’re looking at years more of school, and then will have a very busy schedule in your professional life. If you can’t figure out how to schedule your time right now, how will you do it then? It’s never going to be “ideal.” You have to try and make it work in the best way that you can. (Fight for what you want!)

4.) We could have been really happy

-You taught me so many things. You expanded my horizons, and helped me to try exciting things and get better at them. When we were together, we talked of this adventure called life. We talked about travelling to diverse places, and really seeing the world. We talked about the world and all of its quirks as we sat in the car on a hill, looking down upon the nearest city. We got along on so many levels, that it seems almost ridiculous that somehow, we’ve fallen apart due to a “timing error.”

5.) Relationships aren’t convenient. 

– I never wanted to be used as a convenience. You convinced me that we would make it work. I put so much time and energy into making things ideal for us. But with your recent comments about maybe “friends with benefits” has made me wonder if that wasn’t your plan all along. Did you ever see it actually working? Or did you string me along with promises for the future? How long did you think I would go along with all of that until it became too much to bear? My heart is broken because I’ve finally discovered that this all was built as a convenience to your needs. Did I ask to be a priority in your life? No. But I had at least thought that you would have taken it seriously.

 

I really do hope that you find the happiness that you’re searching for. Maybe one day, you’ll be able to make a relationship work. But I’m done with the games. I have hopes and dreams for the future, and I’m not going to waste any more time while waiting for you to figure out if you can “fit me in.” I’m not that type of person, and I’m saddened that you thought I was.